Fear of being criticized, fear of being humiliated, fear of being rejected, fear of violence being visited upon you. These are the common types of fear that some people find themselves being subjugated to, by their own minds, on daily basis.
The irony about living in fear is that whatever it is that you fear, will most likely happen if you do not put yourself in a position to accept and deal with it. It takes more energy hiding from people and situations which evoke fear in you, when compared to the amount of energy it takes for you to invest in preparation strategies for embracing your feelings of fear and tackling the problem at hand.
There are two cognitive processes for getting past your fear, the first is learning about the core reasons for your fear, while the second is changing your beliefs about your feelings.
Firstly, with most people I have worked with in regards to getting past their issues of fear, it has always come down to their fear of suffering. We fear suffering far more than we fear dying, I guess this is why in Christian texts the talk of hell and the idea of being burned while experiencing never ending agony was captivating and frightening for myself and my peers as children. Regardless the belief that one shouldn’t suffer is an irrational belief. It is an irrational belief, because through suffering comes growth. The infant who is teething, is going through a stage of suffering, with the end result being strong teeth. The toddler learning to walk is going through a stage of suffering, with the end result being efficient mobility. The teenager struggling to learn algebra is going through a stage of suffering, with the end result being improved cognitive ability in calculating and solving math problems. Suffering is not to be avoided but embraced. I am not embracing nor encouraging any form of self punishment here, but rather I am endorsing and encouraging an attitude of courage.
Secondly, is the issue with feelings. Feelings make great servants but terrible masters. Some people who struggle with anxiety issues will often avoid discussing certain topics or tackling certain issues due to their fear of having to dealing with painful feelings. This behavior is based on the flawed belief that our feelings are to be tendered to. Our ability to feel is based on our need to compare our perception of the world as it exists in our heads to the world as it really is outside our heads. When our feelings are positive, it means that the world we perceive and the world as is are congruent. When our feelings are negative, it means that the world we perceive is incongruent with the world as it. Our negative feelings are an opportunity for us to reexamine our thoughts and core beliefs with the goal of correcting our perception to match reality as close as possible.
The process of practicing these cognitive processes are easier written than done, and in most cases require the assistance of a professional.
Ugo is a psychotherapist and a life coach.
Few people speak about Nelson Mandela and the ANC’s armed war against the apartheid regime. Some would call it terrorism, but then again all war is terrorism and so is oppression. Mandela was a prominent leader of the militant wing of the ANC, known as Umkhonto we Size or MK. MK was established approximately a year after the government had violently crushed a peaceful protest against its regime, among other incidences. During the nineteen sixties and seventies MK would habitually bomb public areas, particularly those that were designated for Whites only.
The ANC only started to gain traction in their quest for liberation after Mandela, still as a prominent (and incarcerated) leader resumed advocating and practicing non aggression principles.
To date the non aggression principle is the most effective, paradoxical approach towards responding to aggression. If you are looking for some proof in the pudding, just look up Ghandi, and Martin Luther King.
Taking a non aggressive approach prevents you from being stuck in your reptilian brain during aggressive and stressful encounters. It also allows direct access to the critical thinking region of your brain, your prefrontal cortex, which affords you insights into dignified alternatives to end the conflict.
I understand that some people would read this post and dismiss it as rubbish, or perhaps a promotion of weakness, but nothing could be farther from the truth as well as contradictory. It takes courage to seek and exercise peace, this is because all impulsive and reactionary behavior is motivated by fear, with little regard for consequences.
The fight or flight analogy needs to be improved, because whether you are fighting or fleeing, you are reacting to fear. To react to fear is the equivalent of fleeing (from pain and suffering) and when you are running from something, you are certainly not giving a lot of thought to where you are headed.
Sure, if you were to lose your temper in the heat of the moment it is easy to convince yourself about your lack of care for potential consequences, that is, until the the time comes for you to face the consequences of your actions.
Violence begets violence, and regardless of how you may view yourself, all human beings are equal, primarily because we are equally vulnerable and we live at the mercies of each other.
I was putting together some information about workplace bullying and effective strategies for how to respond to bullying in the workplace. Right now it’s looking like it’s going to be a two part post. Regardless, the post will be up Monday morning, Arizona time.
If it turns out to be a two part post, the second post will discuss effective cognitive behavioral strategies for dealing with and putting an end to workplace bullying and mobbing.
Rest in Peace Mr. Mandela.
Ugo is a psychotherapist and life coach.
Would you knowingly expose yourself to an infectious disease? If you are sound of mind, chances are that you will say no. Further, the reason you will most likely say no is because you have an appreciation for how vulnerable your physical self is.
Our awareness of our vulnerability as human beings, (on a physical level) alters the choices we make. Collectively, so few of us willingly take risks that puts our physical being in danger.
Bad idea #1: You lack intellect.
No two brains are the same, and everyone has the ability to gain awareness of truths in and out of their lives to solve their problems. When people buy into the idea that they are not intelligent, self fulfilling prophecy takes precedence. They lose interest in seeking the truth and live a life where they transition from one crisis to another where, due to their difficulty in making predictions, they would have been able to make if they possessed awareness of the truth.
Bad idea #3: You are worthless.
How to prevent yourself from buying into bad ideas.
Prevention method #1:
Prevention method #2:
Prevention method #3:
Ugo is a psychotherapist and life coach.