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Tag: self esteem

September 28, 2014

In this video, I discuss the process of creating a healthy and realistic narrative that leads to authentic self acceptance.

Ugo is  a psychotherapist and professional life coach.

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October 30, 2013

“Your core beliefs help shape your reality.”

This morning I came across this post, in which the author gave her social commentary on the ongoing Barneys scandal. In essence what the author states is that when people who are poor spend the little money they have on overpriced products they don’t need, they are being strategic in trying to fit into a society in which they feel rejected by.

I have heard this rationale before, and I get it. However I respectfully disagree with it and here’s why;

However before I begin, I would like to state that I don’t know the true financial situation of the young man and young woman who were harassed and humiliated by the NYPD for shopping in the high end department store.

I would also like to state that when police officers take it upon themselves to pick you off the streets and put you in jail, because you were spotted with an item they believed you could not afford, citizens across the country (regardless of ethnicity) should be concerned.

If you are poor, and you have grown up finding yourself on the receiving end of condescending attitudes from would be snubs, due to beliefs in prestige, supremacy and  etc, then it stands to reason that adopting such a belief as yours would only bring you more of the same.

So if I purchase a luxury car, because I believe I would be regarded with prestige when seen with the car, then I am only going to attract people who believe in prestige. The problem with people who believe in prestige is that they have a bad habit of being judgmental and condescending towards those they believe don’t measure up. This means I will be inviting more of the same in my life if I subscribed to core beliefs in prestige and acted out on those beliefs.

Also, I am always going to find myself extra sensitive to how I am being regarded by others and constantly in pursuit of more possessions that signal prestige to others, which keeps me trapped in an unhealthy reality.

On the other hand, if I purchased a car that I found of practical value which also suited my tastes without a care for how others would perceive me, I would find myself attracting people who are non judgmental and open minded. So in spite of the fact that snubs do exist and do judge me from time to time, my true reality would consist of people who accept me unconditionally.

For those who have been tricked into believing that unconditionally acceptance must come at a steep price, my message to them is this; unconditional acceptance is always free.

Ugo is a psychotherapist and life coach.

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