Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong and can go wrong in your life. So what do you have to lose? When it comes to practicing the change we need to practice in our life, there are people who become frozen with hesitation because their minds are filled with all kinds of possibilities of things that could go wrong and greatly inconvenience them.
Are you one of these people? Do you have reasonable ideas about changes you can make in your life, but are stuck with fear in regards to the prospects of proceeding? If you are stuck with fear in regards to the changes you need to make in your life here are two things to consider. The first thing to consider is what do you want to happen? The second thing to consider is what would happen if you did nothing to change your situation?
So lets say you have a job, and the recent hiring of a new supervisor has turned your work environment into an abusive atmosphere. You could file a complaint with human resources, but you fear this would make matters worse between you and your supervisor. You could talk to your supervisor, but you fear this would lead to you being targeted after the conversation. You could look for a new job, but you fear that your employer could find out and you could be terminated. To make matters worse, you are now working overtime for no overtime pay, because some of your co workers where fired by the new supervisor for making mistakes on the job. Yet, the excess time you are putting in, added to the stress you are currently experiencing, is leading you to make some mistakes on the job which you are already frightened about. So what do you do?
So the first question would be, “What do you want to happen?” Most people in this predicament would answer that they want to work in a peaceful and supportive environment, regardless of where that work environment maybe. This leads to the second question, “What would happen if you made no changes, and continued with things as is?” Looking at the scenario just prescribed the answer would be that it is a matter of time before you make a major mistake on the job and the new supervisor fires you. This most likely would be the case given that you have already agreed to the poor treatment you have received on the job to date and in the eyes of your supervisor you have agreed that the value of your contribution is very low, which leads to a lack of respect by others for your work.
Now some people would interpret this scenario as a “damned if you do and damned if you don’t.” However this is not true, because the consequences for doing nothing are detrimental and more likely to happen than the consequences for doing something. This is because with doing something there does lie a possibility that things would change for the better as opposed to doing nothing where things are almost guaranteed to get worse. Further more, the moment you start engaging in exercising the change you need to make, you inevitably through research, encounter information which increases the probability that change is going to happen. So it truth, when you find yourself in a bad situation, engaging in change means “blessed if you do and damned if you don’t.”
Our responses to fear in our lives are learned, and most commonly learned responses to fear that dictate that we should always play it safe, even when we are not safe come from the irrational core belief that nothing bad “should” happen to us.
In my practice, there are evidence based cognitive behavioral beliefs that I introduce clients to, which are effective in helping people become less fear based in their thinking and subsequently their action.
Ugo is a psychotherapist and professional life coach.