cognitive behavioral therapist
Years ago, I was driving home from work, and came out from the highway and embarked on a stretch of road towards my home. Then I encountered a problem, moments earlier, an accident had occurred, and the local police had blocked off the road. I was about five miles away from my home, I was annoyed and for a moment I did feel hopeless. I felt hopeless because I thought I would have to go back out on the highway, take a different exit and drive across to the other side of town to get to my home.
My feelings of hopelessness soon faded when I realized that there might be another route to my home at the time. So, I quickly pulled out my phone, and after a thorough check on goggle maps, I soon found the alternative route I was looking for. Fifteen minutes later I was back home. This story is an analogy for how to cope with and move past feelings of hopelessness. When people are dealing with a situation where they believe they have reached a dead end, feelings of hopelessness start to set in, when they come to think that they would have to start all over in pursuing whatever it is they were trying to achieve.
The mere idea of the amount of effort they would have to muster in order start things over again, is enough to cause feelings of dread and exhaustion. People who run into road blocks in various facets of their lives only need to pick up where they left off as they discover a new route to resume their journey.
This is easier said than done, as the mere thought of creating a new path, will certainly bring up difficult feelings for the person pertaining to his current experiences. However, this is the best way forward, for the person to envision an end goal that he finds happiness in, and then create a pathway towards this end goal that he strongly believes in.
I typically will spend an entire session with my clients helping them figure out their desired outcome relative to the difficulties they are currently experiencing. Most people initially balk at this exercise, as they deem it “unrealistic.” However, what is unrealistic is the hyper focus on a situation where things are no going your way. Before the hopelessness, there is panic, where people unintentionally engage in the same thinking and subsequent behaviors that led to their current experiences in the first place.
By keeping an open mind and visualizing a desire outcome and practicing the courage to think and do things differently, people who struggle with depression take the first step towards transitioning out of a state of hopelessness.
“It’s all in your head,” maybe cliché, but it’s true.
If you suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder, (OCD) and you are experiencing difficulty in getting yourself to adapt healthier behaviors in your life, there are no easy solutions. However, there is a solution, the solution is three part, defining what the problematic behavior is and picking an alternative and healthier behavior, understanding the genesis of the problematic behavior and learning and practicing how to get past your difficult emotions so you can practice your new behavior.
Defining what the problem is.
Let’s say you have a ritual with touching door knobs three times before entering any room. This is a problematic behavior because it is an oddity and people around you are bound to notice. Furthermore, the stressful urge that pushes you to engage in this behavior puts you in an anxious and stressful mood any time you enter any room, especially a room with a person or persons that you are required to engage with. Furthermore, it is also problematic as the obsession with performing this ritual prevents you from being present with others. So it stands to reason that the solution for this problem would be the opposite of what you are doing which would be two part, first that you no longer go through the awkward ritual of touching door knobs three times before you enter any room. Secondly, that you relive yourself from the strong mental urges to engage in such a ritual.
Understanding the Genesis of the problem.
From my experience in treating obsessive compulsive disorders, a commonality is usually a stressful childhood. The sufferer’s childhood was either blatantly abusive, such as physical abuse or covertly abusive, such as emotional abuse. Usually when someone suffering from OCD or any other type of mental health issues insists that they had a great childhood, they often will immediately contradict themselves in reporting on stories and experiences that the average person would consider to be terrible. Regardless, when an adult or child is chronically exposed to a stressful situation for which they lack the cognitive skills to properly address, the consequence that follows is usually the development of some type of mental health illness. Clinical evidence of this can be attributed to a research study where University of Berkeley researches showed that chronic exposure to stress leads to long term changes in the brain which the researches argue predisposes people to mental illness. Regardless, from a place of understanding and forgiveness, it is beneficial to explore any and all past traumas, big and small and understand how they have shaped you and influenced your problematic behaviors.
Practicing how to get past your difficult emotions.
So now you have defined what the problematic behavior is, and you have successfully explored how you came about developing this maladaptive behavior, there remains one major problem. This problem is getting past your strong urges and feelings of anxiety to engage in the problematic behavior in this first place. OCD is the result of brain damage, primarily to the basal ganglia. While biological infections have been known to cause damage to the basal ganglia, a common cause for such a damage would be atypical neurological wiring. Such atypical wiring can be attributed how a person lacking the cognitive skills to deal with a prolonged stressful situation, adapts with unhealthy behaviors which work in the short term.
A good example would be learning to read others for signs of anger, irritation or moodiness. This leads to a belief fallacy that the person can control others based on their astute observations of others and it also leads to an underdevelopment in assertiveness skills, in which the person unintentionally recreates familial stress in their lives by walking on egg shells around others and getting into personal relationships with difficult people. In most cases, people who suffer from OCD report a false feeling of having control over the situation when they engage in their rituals.
Regardless, having become armed with the knowledge of how their daily behavior influences their neurological wiring, most suffers from OCD become motivated towards practicing their alternative and desired behavior in response to emotional urges to engages in old rituals. For best results I would recommend OCD suffers to work with an experienced cognitive behavioral therapist.
Ugo is a psychotherapist and owner of Road 2 Resolutions PLLC.