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November 20, 2013

Ellis quote on upsetness_01(1)

People have rules and society has rules, most of these rules make sense,  but some of these rules are irrational. Consider this post on “Why Insults Don’t Matter”, I believe it got the high number of reads, because people who saw the post were initially curious as to what they would read regarding why anyone shouldn’t be bothered by insults.

Well after reading the quote above by Albert Ellis, here is another reason to consider;

“Insults shouldn’t bother you because they are based on irrational rules.” Imagine if you were to become a ruler of a small island, and your first rule was to ban people from wearing blue clothing. Why? Go ahead and insert your reason here_______.  While people would be initially resistant to this new rule, if sternly enforced, young children would grow up adhering steadfastly to this new rule. So if a visitor were to visit the island wearing blue,  it would most likely be looked upon with great offence.

If you find this scenario to be silly, then I have achieved my goal. At the end of the day if someone insults you, it’s because they don’t like or respect you and their choice of words is irrelevant. If someone speaks to you in a condensing tone, it’s simply because they can, and has nothing to do you.

The only person who can define you, bring happiness or misery to your life is you. Everything else regarding what we desire from others and society at large is a preference not a must.

Please do not confuse this as an advocate for playing the role of a doormat and being an enabler in your own suffering at the hands of others. That would be another post.

Ugo is a psychotherapist and life coach.

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