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May 15, 2013

I was at a bike shop that I frequent and as the cashier was ringing my purchase up, she asked me what I did for a living. Being in private practice sometimes presents with a
paradox, it’s not something I am eager to tell everyone about, but at
the same time it is.

Either way, after I shared with her that I am a psychotherapist, she leaned forward and asked if it was truly possible to change your life through thinking. She further
shared that she had been informed that one could not think themselves
out of a problem and that problems were best addressed by changing habits.

This is the long version of what I shared with her. First, if you are going to change a habit (I presume an unhealthy habit) you are going to have to think up what the
replacement habit is going to be and have an idea or expectation
about how well the replacement habit is going to work for you.

The only time thinking doesn’t work in solving problems is if there is no follow through. Really, it’s not so much the thinking or thought processes, but a person’s core beliefs. If you have ever been led to believe that you can change an unhealthy habit without addressing your beliefs, feelings and thought processes, you are going to be disappointed or perhaps be in denial about being disappointed.

Habits are actions, reoccurring actions executed by living organisms (in this case human beings) are behaviors. All behaviors are a result of how we think, and how we
think is influenced by our feelings and our feelings are influenced by our core beliefs.

Let’s say you have a person who recently experienced an assault to her person hood. Let’s say that this person has core beliefs of self reliance and assertiveness. It wouldn’t be a surprise to people who know this person if she enrolls in some self defense classes to prepare her self in the event her safety were to be threatened or compromised by a perpetrator again.
So here you have a core belief of self reliance and assertiveness, influencing feelings of empowerment and courage, which leads to thinking that she should take some self defense classes which leads to evenings of practicing take downs at the neighborhood dojo.

So what happens if I receive a client who recently experienced an assault to her person hood, but she does not hold core beliefs of self reliance and assertiveness? This first part is tricky, because after establishing rapport and without offending her, I will have to get her to realize what her core beliefs are. Which will most likely be the opposite of self reliance and assertiveness. The truth is, a lot of people are in denial about their core beliefs, but their behaviors give them away, all the time.

Once a person without shame or self prejudice can identify an unhealthy core belief or beliefs, then that person is properly on his or her way to true recovery. Thinking your way to solutions, is relatively easy once you have gone through the emotional gauntlet of tackling your core beliefs. Mental health issues occur on a spectrum, however in the absence of structural damage to the brain or a chemical in-balance, lies a core set of beliefs that are
maladaptive to a person’s problems. From issues like poor anger management to chronic anxiety and obsessive compulsive behaviors, these are all symptoms of flawed beliefs.

The short of what I shared with the cashier? It is unrealistic for anyone to adopt a new habit that deep down they have found no reason to believe in.

So what are your thoughts about this post? I do read all comments.

Ugo Uche is a psychotherapist and owner of Road 2 Resolutions a small counseling practice based in Tucson AZ.

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27 Comments
May 15, 2013 @ 6:05 pm
Reply

Well said!

Mohammed Shafi Y B
May 17, 2013 @ 9:51 am
Reply

EVRERY ONE HAS THEIR OWN PROBLEMS, I AGREE WITH THIS AUTHOR,THERE IS A SOLUTION FOR EVERYTHING

jhon
May 17, 2013 @ 10:52 am
Reply

very good.

George
May 17, 2013 @ 11:12 am
Reply

It takes more than thinking to change or like. It takes action and other things lined up in your favor.

Seif Hassine
May 17, 2013 @ 11:42 am
Reply

”EVRERY ONE HAS THEIR OWN PROBLEMS, I AGREE WITH THIS AUTHOR,THERE IS A SOLUTION FOR EVERYTHING”
That is right!

    Chen
    May 31, 2013 @ 4:13 pm
    Reply

    Excellent post, I really found this insightful.

    planchas pelo
    June 2, 2013 @ 10:00 am
    Reply

    Excellent points made on this post.

arar21
May 17, 2013 @ 7:41 pm
Reply

i believe that every problems have their own way to solve and there is nothing that we can do to that just learn to solve it and have courage and strength. i know that every problems and solutions are just one way of god testing us if we have faith

dikshya
May 18, 2013 @ 1:23 am
Reply

The time only doesn’t change the thinking pattern. It is on the basis of your core think habit

May 18, 2013 @ 2:42 am
Reply

Every problem has solution, nothing is impossible !!!!!

Phorkys Kaveiros
May 18, 2013 @ 4:21 am
Reply

I think that the basis of the self healing process is the preponderance of mind over the subconscious. One should control his impulses and allow his thinking to channel its energy in his inner existence. This is not an easy task; in my 50 yo life I have only met two monks (one Buddhist and one Christian orthodox) that were actually able to accomplice it. Having a guide to train you would be very useful. Nicely composed article.

Nadim Ahmed
May 18, 2013 @ 5:19 am
Reply

Good idea! One can change his mind and knowledge, if he can try and think about himself!!

Saiful Islam
May 18, 2013 @ 12:20 pm
Reply

Everyone have many problems. They face different way. Should be take good solution.

rocky maharjan
May 19, 2013 @ 12:52 am
Reply

Everyone have many problems. One can change his mind and knowledge, if he can try and think about himself!!

niki
May 19, 2013 @ 4:30 am
Reply

I really like the thoughts and suggestions given by the author. As i f we think and decide to do something we can really go for it but if one will not think about the problem or some other thing then how he can work on it.

berryathome
May 19, 2013 @ 4:42 am
Reply

I agree. I do believe everything has to go through thinking process. You wont be able to achieve anything without going through thinking thoroughly. Every outcome would be different if you think through about everything.

s.sulochana
May 19, 2013 @ 10:24 am
Reply

Having struggle with some psychological problems in the past, I have to agree with the author. Our thinking attitude affects our actions.

mia maria
May 20, 2013 @ 10:29 am
Reply

i agree, life is short, problem comes and go, everything can be fixed, if we have life. I LOVE THE TOPIC!!

Suresh Maharjan
May 20, 2013 @ 11:52 pm
Reply

Nothing is impossible.
A problem is meant to be solved.

Emil
May 21, 2013 @ 12:18 am
Reply

I think this is more than thinking. One can easily change his/her style in such way.

sajeena ratheesh
May 21, 2013 @ 3:21 am
Reply

Every person have problem of their own, try to solve and make life happy.

Arif
May 21, 2013 @ 2:57 pm
Reply

love the topic

May 21, 2013 @ 6:53 pm
Reply

Every problem has solution, nothing is impossible.

smile
May 21, 2013 @ 7:04 pm
Reply

yes, if you thinking with the right way you can change some of your life i tried it

Saman
May 26, 2013 @ 3:22 pm
Reply

The blog is very thought provoking.. The image chosen shown a carving in wood that depicts a thinking person sums up that one can Change one’s Life Through Thinking

sanju
May 26, 2013 @ 9:00 pm
Reply

i know that every problems and solutions are just one way of god testing us if we have faith

venks
May 26, 2013 @ 9:53 pm
Reply

i believe that every problems have their own way to solve and there is nothing that we can do to that just learn to solve it and have courage and strength. I think this is more than thinking. One can easily change his/her style in such way.

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