Some days ago, I got angry. Once I got past my feelings of anger and sense of righteousness, regarding how right I believed I was, based on how unfair the other person was behaving towards me, I realized something I already knew.
My anger did not stem from how unfair I was being treated, it stemmed from my egotistical sense of entitlement. Periodically, I have to perform a self maintenance regarding my history with being angry, this self check involves double checking to see if I have picked up and I am acting out of any irrational beliefs that dictate how things are supposed to go my way. Pertaining to the situation in which I became angry, I was there to help address a problem, and I put my desire for how I wanted to be treated over the problem.
There are people who disagree with me over my stance about anger being a useless emotion, and they are entitled to their disagreement. Sure, as social beings we desire unconditional love, acceptance and recognition from others we encounter, but expecting it from everyone is simply irrational. The best method to get our emotional needs met is to establish bonds with like minded people, and practice assertiveness and forgiveness with those we feel slighted by. This is a feat that can only be accomplished from a place of not being angry.
Not being angry, does not mean I get to play the role of a door mat and deny wrong doing done to me. Not being angry means that I practice the discipline of accepting life on life’s terms, while following through with my commitments. Having experienced an angry head space for a number of years, I can say that my episodes of anger are becoming more of a rarity, and it’s becoming easier to catch myself, speak my mind and acknowledge and let go of feelings of hurt.
I recently revised and republished my book, Anger Management 101: Taming the Beast Within. It is a short book with three parts, the first part discusses the psychology of anger, while the second past discusses three cognitive behavioral strategies that can be used to effectively address thoughts and feelings that lead to anger and replace these thoughts and feelings with healthier ones that help solve problems. Finally the third part includes three worksheets, to practice each cognitive strategy discussed in the second part.
Lastly, for people who purchase the book, if you send an email request to email@example.com, with the title, “request for worksheets “, I will email you free pdf versions of worksheets you can use.
Ugo is a psychotherapist and owner of Road 2 Resolutions PLLC, a professional counseling and life coaching practice.
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