June 12, 2008
Dad has cancer...so depressed
Dear Ugo,
I'm 16/f and here
is some background info.
So my dad has had cancer since 2001
and he keeps getting re-diagnosed. and this really makes me upset, i
can barely handle it anymore. I'm constantly crying and I' ve been
having suicidal thoughts(i don't think i will ever actually do it, i
just think about how much easier it would be for my parents to get my
dad better if i wasn't here)
Well a few days ago (aka the
worst day ever) we had to call 911 because my dad was so sick and the
ambulance had to rush him to the hospital...
I'm pretty sure
I'm depressed, i cant talk to any of my friends because i know they
try but they can never help me the best thy can do it "I'm so
sorry I'm here for you" and i commend them so much for dealing
with me though
I'm just always sad and nothing makes me happy,
I've been crying so much more lately, sleeping massive amounts, and
not eating. I don't know what to do. How can i get myself to be happy
and not so depressed.. i try to stay positive. i pray a lot, but
nothing helps me at all. it seems I've tried everything.... should i
seek professional help?=[
thanks so much
Dear 16 y/o f,
My condolences on what you and your family are currently going through, particularly your dad. The sad truth in this case is that bad things happen to good people, and this is an example of such. Your depression with this issue appears to be due to your current situation, however there are three important ways you can cope with what you are going through; the first is for you to accept your powerlessness over your father's health. From what you have written, the doctors have done and continue to do everything thing they can. The most you can do is be there to support your father, and remind him of how much you love him. This will also be a good time to get in touch with your spiritual self, if you haven't already done so. The second thing for you to do is to recognize that you are not the only one going through this painful period. I am sure other members of your family are struggling just like you are, (especially your dad) and this being the case, you don't have to go through this alone. When people fall into depression and begin to contemplate suicide, (seriously or otherwise) it's because they feel alone, (amongst other issues). You are not alone, share with members of your family the pain you are experiencing, you will be surprised the sense of strength family support can provide for people. Lastly, professional help is a good idea, especially if there are other things you are coping with besides your father's cancer.
Good luck.
June 9, 2008
My life is no longer what it used to be..
Dear Ugo,
I overdosed on cocaine 19 months ago, I had to go to the hospital, saw 2 doctors and a cardiologist, first they told me I had an irregular heartbeat and an enlarged heart, now they tell me that its not enlarged and my heartbeat is more regular. I've developed massive anxiety from the overdose, I always check my pulse and worry that my heart is going to stop or explode or something. EVERY single day for the past 19 months, I have been suffering from anxiety and mild to medium heart pains, I wouldn't quite say severe, though. I've come to rely on alcohol because it helps me forget about this. No one seems to really understand my problem for what it is, I think people think I'm faking it when I say I'm in pain. Its gotten so bad that many times that I'm offered to go out to dinner or hang out with friends, I'll decline, out of fear that I'll have a heart attack or a horrible panic attack while I'm in an unfamiliar surrounding. Suicide seems easier than living with this, but I don't actually have plans to commit suicide, they're just thoughts in my head. What should I do? Doctors can't pinpoint something with my heart, and I can't afford to keep going to the doctor or to get a therapist..
-Worried.
Dear Worried,
I wonder how long you have struggled with anxiety issues before you started using cocaine and before your overdose. It sounds like you realize that your overdose was directly linked to your cocaine use, but you can't seem to let that go. The best way to calm your paranoia about another heart issue, is to educate your self about the causes of heart attacks, once you have done this, it will be easier for you to separate your rational and irrational concerns regarding the probability of you experiencing any heart problems in the future. I must say that while it appears you have experienced full recovery from your cocaine overdose, it will be a bad idea for you to continue self medicating with alcohol. At the end of the day in order for you to be successful in overcoming your anxiety, you will need help. I understand you are concerned about costs, but one thing you might want to considered is group counseling for persons with anxiety issues, groups cost a lot less than individual counseling.
Good luck.
Dear Ugo,
My
husband is 29, his sister is my age 21. They have, in my opinion, the
most inappropriate relationship ever. She'll come and just sit in his
lap and cuddle up with him. Or if shes sitting on the couch he will
sorta attack her in a huge bear hug and end up on top of her. Once he
was eating dessert and she came and sat on his lap and he started to
feed her from his dessert. He didn't even think to offer me until
after she had already eaten from his spoon. I don't know what all of
you think, but I find this utterly disgusting...its weird, gross, and
just plain wrong!
I talked to him about it, and he felt that I
was being ridiculous and said that I have intimacy issues because in
my family we are not all over each other. yaa we give hugs and
stuff..but wrestling with each other on the couch and sitting on
laps, and feeding each other...thats just weird. He was like, she is
my sister! I told him, "EXACTLY! she's your sister...thats why I
have such a problem with this". I even told him that I don't
want her sitting on his lap any more..shes not a small child and its
not cute when she comes and sits on his lap. He had the nerve to tell
me he'll think about it...not okay I understand this is bothering you
and I'll stop... he's just going to think about it. How
wonderful..
I know no one can really do anything about this,
but I guess I just need to see what others think about this. Is it
just me or is it weird for siblings to treat each other the same way
they would treat their significant others; minus the kissing on the
lips and sex?
Dear
???
Different families have different traditions, that being written, I would expect for a 29 year old and a 21 year old to have a more adult like relationship. Either way, regardless of how you might feel about your husband's relationship with his sister, your priority should be on your relationship with your husband. You wield no control over the nature of their relationship, you can only express your feelings and concerns and accept what you can not change. If you feel content in your current marriage, I would say you have nothing to worry about.