Newsletter for June 9, 2008

Honor to self

Honor to your self, while the title is self explanatory; it is the paradoxical corner stone of being able to build and maintain healthy relationships with others. This is done by making a conscious decision to take the path of peace in our lives, regardless of what issues we may be experiencing with ourselves, others, places and things. As human beings we function best when we are at peace, peace meaning being in a place of content and rest. However we live in a world of distractions, and it is easy to become distracted with happenings in our lives. When faced with unwanted happenings over which we have no control over, the path achieving personal peace and subsequently peace in our relations with others comes from within. This is accomplished by honoring your self.

So how does one honor his or her self? Let's start with a question; "Do you prefer to be hurt by anyone?" The answer to this question is usually a "no" and if you are like most people , you will more than likely choose the option of preferring not to get hurt by another. It goes further; how we treat others we are in conflict with, is a reflection of how we treat ourselves. If you find it difficult to forgive others for their wrong doings, it is a reflection on how you process your own wrong doings. If you have a tendency to be judgmental towards others, it is a good indicator on how you see yourself. If these examples apply to you most of the time, then you have probably routinely experienced what others at the receiving end of your attitude, typically experience; hurt.

Yes; hurt. Some of my clients who have been skeptical about this philosophy, usually jump at the opportunity to tell me that they don't experience hurt towards themselves. My response is this; just as it is favorably for us not to experience being hurt by another person, at the same time we prefer to be at peace with others. It is human nature to seek peace, that's why people routinely provide help and assistance for others. In our daily lives we are constantly faced with the decision to help or ignore others who could benefit from our help, (regardless of how small or seemingly insignificant it may be), and that's why we all experience feelings of guilt when we choose not to help others. By choosing not to help another, is a good indicator that your heart is at war, which ultimately is a betrayal of self. Of course to keep consistent with the title of this newsletter, a betrayal of self can also be considered not honoring one's self. People whose hearts are at war routinely dishonor themselves, and the consequence of this self betrayal is an unhappy person, usually someone who usually presents as being easily angered or suffering from major depression. Sometimes what happens to people like this, is that these consequences of self betrayal usually become normalized and people no longer feel the hurt they inflict upon themselves or recognize the hurt they inflict upon others.

Regardless of our physical and cultural differences, all human beings share the desire for love, to be loved and accepted and to be understood. We regard others as we regard ourselves, and when we regard ourselves poorly we betray ourselves, when we regard ourselves with unconditional love, we honor ourselves as well as others. Next week we shall discuss cognitive mechanisms people use to avoid the hurt they inflict upon themselves.